November 18, 2014 by babylondogs
My entire life I have sought for a way to feel at peace, whole, healthy. I caught occasional glimpses of it along the way, but I have yet to find something lasting. Christians will preach to me Christ; Muslims, Allah; Buddhists, meditation. I have tried all these ways and more. None of them have found me rock solid unwavering peace. Is it even possible? Is there really any such thing as true contentment? I used to believe there was, now I’m not too sure.
The closest I have come to any kind of comprehensive and enduring contentment is love. And by love I mean love without object. I don’t mean loving a specific person, family member, or mate. I mean unconditional love for everybody, all the time, regardless of their behavior, no matter how evil or repulsive. Forgiveness, compassion, understanding, nonviolence, kindness. But it’s hard to maintain this unconditional love when the waves of society start rocking the fragile vessel of the ego. At least I have found it so.
When I sit down (literally sit down) and open up, forgiving everybody for evils real and imagined, dropping judgments and prejudices, letting go of assumptions and accusations, I feel at peace. I feel so peaceful in fact that I can’t understand why it is so hard for me to sit down every single day and open up into love. The results are incredible, so why do I neglect such a practice? Can this practice truly be the cornerstone to true and lasting peace? If so, why do I easily overlook it? Why do I forget to sit and love? Why do I forget to forgive and extend unconditional love to everybody? Is it because I’ve failed at unconditionally loving myself? These are questions of an agitated mind. I am a confused soul. I come without any real answers, only questions.